It's been a LONG time since I blogged but that's fine - I'm feeling the need to though today and, as usual, I will attempt for there to be an underlying point but as you're probably already aware, I may go off on a tangent a fair bit!
Have to confess at the moment to feeling a little bit lost - I can sense my depression bubbling under the surface a little but that's nothing I've not learnt to manage over the last few years...As to why I feel this way.....
I think it's a combination of things - This time of year in general combined with depression often makes me feel 'moody' and give in to the urge to hibernate. I now know how important it is to my wellbeing, both mental and physical, to give in to these urges to hibernate and go to bed at 8 and withdraw a little and put myself first. If I do this and 'ride the waves' then I, more often than not, come out the other side pretty much unharmed.
The other factor I've had a bit of a revelation about would be my love life!!!! (Calm down - There will not be juicy details or anything too exciting!!!) I 'got my fingers burnt' a couple of times in the last year and feel like I 'let my guard down' and, as a result, I'll admit I'm feeling a bit defensive where my heart is concerned. I'm totally off relationships but, by the same token, I am simply waiting.
You see the ONE constant in my life is God. HE knows exactly what I need, when I need it and what I should be doing. HE guides my path, HE controls my words. I pray every day for a Godly, Funny, Gorgeous man who can be my partner in life. Someone who can love the same things as me and share in my life. I fully appreciate God is waiting for the right time to bring this man in to my life and he will arrive and share my heart when he dictates it is the time - Until then I will continue to bumble around, perhaps not making the best decisions but having fun and I can but try....
I'm feel pretty misunderstood at the moment for no particular reason - And, bizarrely, by people who would probably last describe themselves as being judgmental.
I think I'm pretty simple really (isn't every woman?!) Practically my life is stressful and I do FAR too much and am fully aware of this. I work full-time - I parent full time, I run a house full time. I'm involved in my Church, I love my family and don't see them as much as I'd like to, I get involved in school 'stuff' from time to time. I host meetings at my house to do with one thing or another.
Practicals aside. When I have my precious 'free' time I LOVE to spend it with friends, I LOVE to go out and have a drink and dance my socks off. The combination of this and everything I've said above some people find confusing.
I don't.
I am a fully committed Christian. I KNOW God and have a relationship with him and he is guiding and is in FULL control of my life. In the last 6 months I've learnt this more than ever through various prophetic messages I've had for people which I've shared - This is a new, sometimes a little unnerving, but very exciting development!
The fact I go out and have a good time and have many many many amazing, funny and gorgeous 'non-Christian' friends who I LOVE a great deal means that I am in an extremely exciting position! If anybody EVER asks me if I believe in God, the answer is YES. That answer will be the same whether I'm at work, in the playground, sat on my sofa or perhaps slightly tipsy in the smoking area of a nightclub!
Now that's off my chest - The other thing going on shortly is........the dreaded parents evening!
I lose sleep over parents evening and get really anxious - Which is bizarre because, by and large, I'm a pretty laid back parent. I think it comes down to the fact that, as a child, I was naughty and a bit horrid really. When my parents went to parents evening I knew they'd find out all the horrendous things I'd been up to at school, stealing and being generally disruptive amongst other things. So when my parents got home I'd be for the high jump without fail. A whole world of trouble.
This is Lucy's 3rd year at school so that will make this my 6th parents evening. My very first parents evening in her reception year was 'bad' and I took that really badly. Because I parent on my own I feel the buck stops with me where she is concerned. I feel totally responsible for her behavior and that, in turn, her behavior reflects on my parenting. I know that children will be children and there are certain steps and phases they go through regardless of what we do. I guess I just don't want her to end up like me? All I can really really do at the end of the day though is my best. I want her to feel confident and, above all, know she is loved, by God and by me, unconditionally. So, like every aspect of my life, I guess I just need to continue to ride the waves and do my best right?
So - That's pretty much it for now :)
The lord is fighting for you! So be still! Exodus 14:14
xx
Sunday, 3 March 2013
Monday, 18 June 2012
RSVP?!?!?!!!?!
This is one thing which drives me absolutely bonkers! I love organising things and inviting people and getting everyone together for some fun and laughing and, unless a lot of my wonderful friends are fibbing (!!) I'm rather good at it.....So......It drives me to distraction when people simply don't respond.....No matter how busy I am or how many balls I'm juggling (which, on average, it around 47!) I ALWAYS reply and I'm ALWAYS honest.....So, if I simply don't fancy doing something or I'm broke, I'll say just that. I find it extremely frustrating when people can't be honest and say "I don't fancy that but thanks for the invite" some people feel obliged to make up a see through excuse which I actually find quite insulting! I can totally understand if you're, simply, 'not in the mood'! By the same token though, I would go to many things and step out of my comfort zone for my friends because, well, to me, that's one of the essences of friendship?! So if a friend says, "It's my birthday, would you like to come to my evening going through slides of different types of leaf" I would sign inwardly perhaps but then I'd say "Sure, I'll be there" Because they're my friend and they've invited me. Basic 'friendship rules' surely?! It takes VERY little time out of a day to respond to someone to I'm always quite confused when people can't simply reply to a text or email.....And, to be totally honest, I take it quite personally and, because of the leapfrog thinking/depression by the time a response has not been forthcoming for any length of time, I've usually decided that it MUST mean they hate me and would rather set their hair on fire that talk to me or spend the evening with me! Rational I know!
I currently have many friends going through some horrible horrible periods in their life and, coincidentally, this verse has popped up and spoken to me:
Help carry one anothers burdens and in this way you will obey the law of Christ. Galatians, 6:2.
As a Christian and as a friend this is SO important. What exactly is the point of false/see-through/paper-thin friendships which involve a lot of nodding and "Mmm...Yah Yah......I'm fine, totally fine"?! If I'm friends with someone then, that's it, we're friends and when my friends hurt, I hurt, when they cry, I cry and if they want to drink wine and be silly then I'm also there for that bit too..!! I would move heaven and earth to help a friend or family member, it's my duty as their friend or family member, it's JUST the way it is in my world....Again, a 'no brainer'!
Jesus turned NO-ONE away - NO-ONE! and THAT is AMAZING and so challenging sometimes, I meet people and instantly think - "We're not going to get on" and then have a bit of an internal struggle because I feel like I should be more 'forgiving' to people who perhaps aren't my 'cup of tea' and I think on the whole I don't do too badly but nonetheless - The eyes do roll and I do avoid people sometimes if I really struggle with things to say to them and don't like to make that awkward conversation..... So it's something I feel I really need to work on actually...
It's my Birthday soon and, as usual, I like to make a wee bit of a song and a dance about these things so am off out for some laughs, dancing and a few drinks! Laughing warms my soul and I do rather a lot of it! I was watching a highly intellectual programme on the telebox the other day (Cough Cough - Big Brother) and they had a task to NOT LAUGH FOR 48 HOURS!!!!! OH MY WORD! That is simply not possible!!! I would struggle with an hour!! Cripes!
Randomly, quite a few people recently have asked me how I have faith and how I remain confident in what I refer to as 'The Plan' (Gods that is, not mine!) even when everything appears to be going against me and the 'chips are down' - I'm going to have a proper think about this as my response, basically, is: "God has a plan, it's going to be AWESOME and AMAZING and, as I learnt at Cherish, a Christian women's conference I recently attended - I have accepted there is a calling on MY life! and I'm clinging on to this ride and really trying to let my talents guide me in the right direction and use my experiences in life to help other people - Whether it's my experiences as a single parents or my experience through the divorce process or my honest experiences I've had with friends or at school with peer pressure / paranoia...Everything that's happened in my life, good or bad, is God-Given and, as such, it's my JOB to share them and to help people and, as I've written above, share friends burdens....
As usually, I've rambled rather a lot and, on the "How do I have faith" topic, I'm going to think about it more actually and perhaps devote another blog to a slightly more articulate answer!!!
Laters!!!!
This is one thing which drives me absolutely bonkers! I love organising things and inviting people and getting everyone together for some fun and laughing and, unless a lot of my wonderful friends are fibbing (!!) I'm rather good at it.....So......It drives me to distraction when people simply don't respond.....No matter how busy I am or how many balls I'm juggling (which, on average, it around 47!) I ALWAYS reply and I'm ALWAYS honest.....So, if I simply don't fancy doing something or I'm broke, I'll say just that. I find it extremely frustrating when people can't be honest and say "I don't fancy that but thanks for the invite" some people feel obliged to make up a see through excuse which I actually find quite insulting! I can totally understand if you're, simply, 'not in the mood'! By the same token though, I would go to many things and step out of my comfort zone for my friends because, well, to me, that's one of the essences of friendship?! So if a friend says, "It's my birthday, would you like to come to my evening going through slides of different types of leaf" I would sign inwardly perhaps but then I'd say "Sure, I'll be there" Because they're my friend and they've invited me. Basic 'friendship rules' surely?! It takes VERY little time out of a day to respond to someone to I'm always quite confused when people can't simply reply to a text or email.....And, to be totally honest, I take it quite personally and, because of the leapfrog thinking/depression by the time a response has not been forthcoming for any length of time, I've usually decided that it MUST mean they hate me and would rather set their hair on fire that talk to me or spend the evening with me! Rational I know!
I currently have many friends going through some horrible horrible periods in their life and, coincidentally, this verse has popped up and spoken to me:
Help carry one anothers burdens and in this way you will obey the law of Christ. Galatians, 6:2.
As a Christian and as a friend this is SO important. What exactly is the point of false/see-through/paper-thin friendships which involve a lot of nodding and "Mmm...Yah Yah......I'm fine, totally fine"?! If I'm friends with someone then, that's it, we're friends and when my friends hurt, I hurt, when they cry, I cry and if they want to drink wine and be silly then I'm also there for that bit too..!! I would move heaven and earth to help a friend or family member, it's my duty as their friend or family member, it's JUST the way it is in my world....Again, a 'no brainer'!
Jesus turned NO-ONE away - NO-ONE! and THAT is AMAZING and so challenging sometimes, I meet people and instantly think - "We're not going to get on" and then have a bit of an internal struggle because I feel like I should be more 'forgiving' to people who perhaps aren't my 'cup of tea' and I think on the whole I don't do too badly but nonetheless - The eyes do roll and I do avoid people sometimes if I really struggle with things to say to them and don't like to make that awkward conversation..... So it's something I feel I really need to work on actually...
It's my Birthday soon and, as usual, I like to make a wee bit of a song and a dance about these things so am off out for some laughs, dancing and a few drinks! Laughing warms my soul and I do rather a lot of it! I was watching a highly intellectual programme on the telebox the other day (Cough Cough - Big Brother) and they had a task to NOT LAUGH FOR 48 HOURS!!!!! OH MY WORD! That is simply not possible!!! I would struggle with an hour!! Cripes!
Randomly, quite a few people recently have asked me how I have faith and how I remain confident in what I refer to as 'The Plan' (Gods that is, not mine!) even when everything appears to be going against me and the 'chips are down' - I'm going to have a proper think about this as my response, basically, is: "God has a plan, it's going to be AWESOME and AMAZING and, as I learnt at Cherish, a Christian women's conference I recently attended - I have accepted there is a calling on MY life! and I'm clinging on to this ride and really trying to let my talents guide me in the right direction and use my experiences in life to help other people - Whether it's my experiences as a single parents or my experience through the divorce process or my honest experiences I've had with friends or at school with peer pressure / paranoia...Everything that's happened in my life, good or bad, is God-Given and, as such, it's my JOB to share them and to help people and, as I've written above, share friends burdens....
As usually, I've rambled rather a lot and, on the "How do I have faith" topic, I'm going to think about it more actually and perhaps devote another blog to a slightly more articulate answer!!!
Laters!!!!
Sunday, 27 May 2012
These 2 Ramble topics are related...as I LOVE holidays!
I've just spent a week in Alcudia, Majorca with Lucy, my Mum and my Nan - The 4 generations! It was REALLY lovely - Warm - No work - Special times with my family. My Nan (My Mum's Mum - Me and lots of my friends fondly refer to her as Nana Pat even though her name is Mary - She had short hair and a Pat Butcher mac which earnt her this nickname!) is the light of my life - Words can barely describe how much I love her. She epitomises hard work - She manages her finances so wisely and she totally utterly adores her family - She has 2 girls - My Mum and my Aunt and she lives for them - She's been married to my 'Grumpy Grandad' and seen through the commitment she made to him and her family with a smile and a joke and, on the odd occassion a profanity which always causes a lot of amusement and sometimes a little offence!! She always ALWAYS puts other needs before her own - ALWAYS - at her own expense most of the time. My Grandad is ill and in hospital and will more than like go into a home - I pray that, somehow, despite various illness' and dementia, he realises how very lucky he is to have such an amazing generous woman in his life who's sacrificed so much to take care of him, especially recently. I HAVE to hope that his marriage to my Nan and his life as a parent has all been in 'the plan', he couldn't have ever told you anything about his family - I'm not sure he knows what his own daughters do for a living and where they live and couldn't name any of his Grandchildren or Great Grandchild. It's a HUGE shame. Depiste this, I still pray, mainly for my Nan and I am so fiercly protective over this wonderful woman - I would do ANYTHING for her and I pray that she's enjoying the rest whilst he's being cared for in the hospital and can devote some time to herself, I think she's earnt it!!
Went off on a tangent there but you get the picture!
We have a Great time away and onto the next thing which, next weekend, is the Big Church Day Out weekend - Me and Lucy are going along with other people from my church and, this will be the third year we've been and the first year we've done the whole weekend complete with camping :) It's ALWAYS brilliant with amazing Family fun and terrific worship with AMAZING acts from all over.
Things I love - In no particular order - God, Family and Friends, Music - My life has a soundtrack - I can relate pretty much every memory I have to a song and just love singing and dancing - I don't think this will EVER change - I have THE most eclectic mix on my iTunes EVER - From Dolly Parton to Kanye West to Fun. to Matt Redman to Take That. To say it's slightly Bipolar would be an understatement! - The water - I LOVE the sound of water on a beach - I LOVE swimming - especially when you can have a dip on holiday to cool off - The amazing relaxation to be sought in a warm bath with lovely smellies and then being wrapped in a warm fluffy towel before dozing to sleep - Day-time naps - I call them 'Nana Naps' and I have them most weekends when I've not got Lucy as she's at her Dads - There is a routine around these - I put on a 'slow' film I've seen many time and I get my snuggly fleecy blankie out and I crash on the sofa - BLISS! - Weddings - LOVE weddings - LOVE seeing my friends happy and having a dance and embracing the happiness of sharing such special times with friends and family. Reading - I read EVERY night - In 2 parts - I have my little time when I pray specifically and I read some of my Bible and I write in my journal - Sometimes I don't do all 3 but I spend that time with God and it's very special and important to me. Then I read before I nod off - Like my taste in music it's a little random - I LOVE reading Autobiographies and 'Real stories' - Also a bit of chick lit - Also some Dean Koontz or Lee Child - I have about 5 books 'on the go' at the moment so it can be mood dependant which one I pick up on an evening!!
Sufficiently 'Rambly'? I think so!! x
I've just spent a week in Alcudia, Majorca with Lucy, my Mum and my Nan - The 4 generations! It was REALLY lovely - Warm - No work - Special times with my family. My Nan (My Mum's Mum - Me and lots of my friends fondly refer to her as Nana Pat even though her name is Mary - She had short hair and a Pat Butcher mac which earnt her this nickname!) is the light of my life - Words can barely describe how much I love her. She epitomises hard work - She manages her finances so wisely and she totally utterly adores her family - She has 2 girls - My Mum and my Aunt and she lives for them - She's been married to my 'Grumpy Grandad' and seen through the commitment she made to him and her family with a smile and a joke and, on the odd occassion a profanity which always causes a lot of amusement and sometimes a little offence!! She always ALWAYS puts other needs before her own - ALWAYS - at her own expense most of the time. My Grandad is ill and in hospital and will more than like go into a home - I pray that, somehow, despite various illness' and dementia, he realises how very lucky he is to have such an amazing generous woman in his life who's sacrificed so much to take care of him, especially recently. I HAVE to hope that his marriage to my Nan and his life as a parent has all been in 'the plan', he couldn't have ever told you anything about his family - I'm not sure he knows what his own daughters do for a living and where they live and couldn't name any of his Grandchildren or Great Grandchild. It's a HUGE shame. Depiste this, I still pray, mainly for my Nan and I am so fiercly protective over this wonderful woman - I would do ANYTHING for her and I pray that she's enjoying the rest whilst he's being cared for in the hospital and can devote some time to herself, I think she's earnt it!!
Went off on a tangent there but you get the picture!
We have a Great time away and onto the next thing which, next weekend, is the Big Church Day Out weekend - Me and Lucy are going along with other people from my church and, this will be the third year we've been and the first year we've done the whole weekend complete with camping :) It's ALWAYS brilliant with amazing Family fun and terrific worship with AMAZING acts from all over.
Things I love - In no particular order - God, Family and Friends, Music - My life has a soundtrack - I can relate pretty much every memory I have to a song and just love singing and dancing - I don't think this will EVER change - I have THE most eclectic mix on my iTunes EVER - From Dolly Parton to Kanye West to Fun. to Matt Redman to Take That. To say it's slightly Bipolar would be an understatement! - The water - I LOVE the sound of water on a beach - I LOVE swimming - especially when you can have a dip on holiday to cool off - The amazing relaxation to be sought in a warm bath with lovely smellies and then being wrapped in a warm fluffy towel before dozing to sleep - Day-time naps - I call them 'Nana Naps' and I have them most weekends when I've not got Lucy as she's at her Dads - There is a routine around these - I put on a 'slow' film I've seen many time and I get my snuggly fleecy blankie out and I crash on the sofa - BLISS! - Weddings - LOVE weddings - LOVE seeing my friends happy and having a dance and embracing the happiness of sharing such special times with friends and family. Reading - I read EVERY night - In 2 parts - I have my little time when I pray specifically and I read some of my Bible and I write in my journal - Sometimes I don't do all 3 but I spend that time with God and it's very special and important to me. Then I read before I nod off - Like my taste in music it's a little random - I LOVE reading Autobiographies and 'Real stories' - Also a bit of chick lit - Also some Dean Koontz or Lee Child - I have about 5 books 'on the go' at the moment so it can be mood dependant which one I pick up on an evening!!
Sufficiently 'Rambly'? I think so!! x
Saturday, 5 May 2012
Be Real!
That moment when a friend or fellow Mummy says "Hi, How are you?" You have a choice here, you can either go with "Fine" and go about your business, which can be acceptable as sometimes we need to get to work or elsewhere and don't have the time to embark on a conversation.....But instead of saying "Fine" you could say "Shattered actually and I nearly sold my daughter to the gypsies last night, how about you?!" I've had a lot of conversations of late where a parent has been embarrassed because their child has done something 'naughty' at school and been reprimanded or they've said something 'shocking' (there are varying degrees of this from "Fart" to "F off Mum"!!!) I URGE parents to share this kind of thing far more often as more often than not something happens with our children and we beat ourselves up about it and can find ourselves thinking "I bet * doesn't behave like that" and "I'm SURE * doesn't speak to her Mum like that", What on earth am I doing that's so wrong? But actually, I've discovered through having some very 'REAL' friends and conversations with fellow parents, we ALL go through these scenarios with our children, sometimes it's constant and relentless and other times we're lucky and it's only once a day!
Here's a tiny snippet of situations I've experienced personally with my own daughter - Cutting her own hair, cutting the bristles off all the paintbrushes in her classroom, spraying water all over the school toilet resulting in standing outside the headmistress' office having only been in school for 2 months, Cutting the end of a budgies tail off (the budgie did survive I'm pleased to say), Pulling a radiator off the wall not in her own home, lying ALL THE TIME, never EVER wanting to do any homework EVER. And those are just for starters. But we so rarely share these things with other people, especially other Mums. I've seen a friends face full of SO much relief when they realise it's not just them and they're not on their own and all other children bar their own are impeccably behaved always. My daughter isn't, contrary to what I've highlighted above, a monster. Far from it actually. She's beautiful, she's confident, she's ever so funny and she's doing brilliantly at school, she loves reading and she loves horse riding and adores performing and having an audience. They're only human and they will only learn by making mistakes and by pushing their luck.
I have the added complication of dealing with these downs as well as the ups on my own as a single parent family. There are massive pros and cons to my situation. A pro being I can do what I like when I like with Lucy and don't have anyone Else's plans or opinions to consult with beforehand. A con being I can never say "Ask you father" or "Wait 'til your Dad gets home" For the most part I'm OK with my little unit but with my depression sometimes I can hit a bump in the road and the smallest thing can set me off and this then has a knock on effect on where the 'end of my tether' is! This obviously isn't unique to me or the fact I suffer with depression but it can be magnified and where another person might let their 'other half' take the reigns for the rest of the day/evening, I simply don't have that option.
If we're real with each other then so many people won't be feeling bad about situations they're in and they'll know they're not alone and we all go through some absolutely shocking days and situations with our children and it doesn't mean we're 'bad parents' or that we're doing something horrendously wrong. We're going through the same things as everyone else, regardless of status, and we need to be together on this thing cos' it's not easy!!!
When I take my prayers to God, I've learnt to be real at all times and in all situations. Sometimes I feel I'm going ooooonnnn and oooooonn and ooooooonnn and by the time I'm ready to read or study or write in my journal, God MUST have gone off for a tea break or at the very least changed position as he must have a numb bum...!!!! But actually, God cares about every single teeny tiny situation I'm facing no matter how trivial it might seem or how ashamed I might feel because of something that's happened, something I've thought or said or something I'm not letting go of. I'm extremely proud of my extremely real relationship with God and he gives me such strength, support, reassurance, energy, blessings that even when I'm having the worse day EVER or feel I'm totally totally trapped with no money, energy, patience, parenting ability, he raises me up and I CAN DO THIS! But I can't do it on my own and I am NOT on my own - despite my 'status', I always have God and I have an AWESOME set of family and friends :) I am, in so many ways, SO very blessed!!!
Oh I do go on........That's that Ramble done!! 'Til the next time!! <3 x
Here's a tiny snippet of situations I've experienced personally with my own daughter - Cutting her own hair, cutting the bristles off all the paintbrushes in her classroom, spraying water all over the school toilet resulting in standing outside the headmistress' office having only been in school for 2 months, Cutting the end of a budgies tail off (the budgie did survive I'm pleased to say), Pulling a radiator off the wall not in her own home, lying ALL THE TIME, never EVER wanting to do any homework EVER. And those are just for starters. But we so rarely share these things with other people, especially other Mums. I've seen a friends face full of SO much relief when they realise it's not just them and they're not on their own and all other children bar their own are impeccably behaved always. My daughter isn't, contrary to what I've highlighted above, a monster. Far from it actually. She's beautiful, she's confident, she's ever so funny and she's doing brilliantly at school, she loves reading and she loves horse riding and adores performing and having an audience. They're only human and they will only learn by making mistakes and by pushing their luck.
I have the added complication of dealing with these downs as well as the ups on my own as a single parent family. There are massive pros and cons to my situation. A pro being I can do what I like when I like with Lucy and don't have anyone Else's plans or opinions to consult with beforehand. A con being I can never say "Ask you father" or "Wait 'til your Dad gets home" For the most part I'm OK with my little unit but with my depression sometimes I can hit a bump in the road and the smallest thing can set me off and this then has a knock on effect on where the 'end of my tether' is! This obviously isn't unique to me or the fact I suffer with depression but it can be magnified and where another person might let their 'other half' take the reigns for the rest of the day/evening, I simply don't have that option.
If we're real with each other then so many people won't be feeling bad about situations they're in and they'll know they're not alone and we all go through some absolutely shocking days and situations with our children and it doesn't mean we're 'bad parents' or that we're doing something horrendously wrong. We're going through the same things as everyone else, regardless of status, and we need to be together on this thing cos' it's not easy!!!
When I take my prayers to God, I've learnt to be real at all times and in all situations. Sometimes I feel I'm going ooooonnnn and oooooonn and ooooooonnn and by the time I'm ready to read or study or write in my journal, God MUST have gone off for a tea break or at the very least changed position as he must have a numb bum...!!!! But actually, God cares about every single teeny tiny situation I'm facing no matter how trivial it might seem or how ashamed I might feel because of something that's happened, something I've thought or said or something I'm not letting go of. I'm extremely proud of my extremely real relationship with God and he gives me such strength, support, reassurance, energy, blessings that even when I'm having the worse day EVER or feel I'm totally totally trapped with no money, energy, patience, parenting ability, he raises me up and I CAN DO THIS! But I can't do it on my own and I am NOT on my own - despite my 'status', I always have God and I have an AWESOME set of family and friends :) I am, in so many ways, SO very blessed!!!
Oh I do go on........That's that Ramble done!! 'Til the next time!! <3 x
Sunday, 29 April 2012
The Ramblings of a single, working, Christian, possibly a little crackers Mummy! Enjoy!
So - Unfortunately - Due to the fact I'm technologically retarded - The blog I created before has basically vanished - This is because I failed to read 'the small print' and didn't realise I'd chosen a pay web site which I DON'T want to do so have re-created it again!!
For anyone who didn't read my first blog....The main point was an introduction really to say I'm blogging because I LOVE talking and 'rambling' and it helps hugely with my depression to let things out and have something to focus on. I also mentioned I LOVE music and you'll see the topic comes up rather a lot in my rambings!
I've just had one of my 'child-free' weekends, so I've been all over the place and had a cracking time actually...pretty tired now but c'est la vie! Saw Example with my house-mate at the O2 and he was absolutely cracking! Crossing my mind throughout the concert is how much I couldn't bear to be in the 'standing' section without a seat! And this isn't even something which has come with age - I can't bear standing in a crowd or a queue - It just makes me really anxious. I LOVE being out and in nightclubs and bars but only where I can see a 'way out'. Even from a distance, my eyes were flicking from Example and going to the standing area which was going NUTS and people were crammed in and could see lots of shoving and drinks being thrown. You'd probably have found me long after everyone had gone scrunched up in a ball in the corner shaking! But, we did have seats so I was blissfully happy soaking up the music and having a dance and a brilliant time!
On Saturday, amongst other things, I went to a local Spa with a beautiful and wonderful close friend. We chatted but also rested in comfortable silence, the kind you can only get with someone you're close to, know what I mean? Had a gorgeous treatment and saw my old secondary school french teacher which was random!! Part of the treatment was a dip in the 'floatation' tank, a wonderful pool under twinkly lights with soft music containing 100 tonnes of salt!!! You lift you feet up and bingo! You're a 'floater' (those who know me well will know I find this pretty funny!!) It was 40 minutes long and I was asleep within around 90 seconds!!! I can basically sleep on a washing line - It's a gift!! I actually LOVE sleeping - If I felt it was socially acceptable to add it to my list of hobbies on my CV, I WOULD.
Today I have been to my wonderful church - We're focusing, at the moment, on "Throwing off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles" It's a bible verse from Hebrews and is the first part of our church's verse for the year. It's pretty heavy going actually and doesn't make for comfortable study sometimes but it's SO important for me to hear, particularly now I'm so far, time-wise, from 'the bad stuff' and I have those last little bits which I need to let go off. I'm over the worst but there are little bits which 'niggle' and I find it hard to really REALLY totally let go. I'm there though and it's been, although hard, a really really liberating time for me. I SO love my faith and my very real relationship with Jesus and I hope that through study, prayer and, well, life, I can run my race to the very very best of my ability....Possibly with a bit of cheek and A LOT of laughing!!!
I think that's sufficiently 'rambly'! Oh, I purchased the new Robin Thicke album and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it! And, a tune which made my house-mate roll here eyes, A tune I 'shazam'd that the DJ played on Fri night before Example came on. I'll tell you what it is next time as it's upstairs and, frankly, I can't be bothered to move!!! Haha!!!! So watch this space!!
For anyone who didn't read my first blog....The main point was an introduction really to say I'm blogging because I LOVE talking and 'rambling' and it helps hugely with my depression to let things out and have something to focus on. I also mentioned I LOVE music and you'll see the topic comes up rather a lot in my rambings!
I've just had one of my 'child-free' weekends, so I've been all over the place and had a cracking time actually...pretty tired now but c'est la vie! Saw Example with my house-mate at the O2 and he was absolutely cracking! Crossing my mind throughout the concert is how much I couldn't bear to be in the 'standing' section without a seat! And this isn't even something which has come with age - I can't bear standing in a crowd or a queue - It just makes me really anxious. I LOVE being out and in nightclubs and bars but only where I can see a 'way out'. Even from a distance, my eyes were flicking from Example and going to the standing area which was going NUTS and people were crammed in and could see lots of shoving and drinks being thrown. You'd probably have found me long after everyone had gone scrunched up in a ball in the corner shaking! But, we did have seats so I was blissfully happy soaking up the music and having a dance and a brilliant time!
On Saturday, amongst other things, I went to a local Spa with a beautiful and wonderful close friend. We chatted but also rested in comfortable silence, the kind you can only get with someone you're close to, know what I mean? Had a gorgeous treatment and saw my old secondary school french teacher which was random!! Part of the treatment was a dip in the 'floatation' tank, a wonderful pool under twinkly lights with soft music containing 100 tonnes of salt!!! You lift you feet up and bingo! You're a 'floater' (those who know me well will know I find this pretty funny!!) It was 40 minutes long and I was asleep within around 90 seconds!!! I can basically sleep on a washing line - It's a gift!! I actually LOVE sleeping - If I felt it was socially acceptable to add it to my list of hobbies on my CV, I WOULD.
Today I have been to my wonderful church - We're focusing, at the moment, on "Throwing off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles" It's a bible verse from Hebrews and is the first part of our church's verse for the year. It's pretty heavy going actually and doesn't make for comfortable study sometimes but it's SO important for me to hear, particularly now I'm so far, time-wise, from 'the bad stuff' and I have those last little bits which I need to let go off. I'm over the worst but there are little bits which 'niggle' and I find it hard to really REALLY totally let go. I'm there though and it's been, although hard, a really really liberating time for me. I SO love my faith and my very real relationship with Jesus and I hope that through study, prayer and, well, life, I can run my race to the very very best of my ability....Possibly with a bit of cheek and A LOT of laughing!!!
I think that's sufficiently 'rambly'! Oh, I purchased the new Robin Thicke album and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it! And, a tune which made my house-mate roll here eyes, A tune I 'shazam'd that the DJ played on Fri night before Example came on. I'll tell you what it is next time as it's upstairs and, frankly, I can't be bothered to move!!! Haha!!!! So watch this space!!
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